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Putting Shoulds in Their Place
By Alice Greene

Why is it so hard to do as you know you should with healthy eating, regular exercise and taking better care of yourself?  No doubt, you’ve wondered about this countless times.  It doesn’t seem to make sense that if you know what you should do, that you don’t do it or at least not often enough.  Yet whenever you don’t do something you intended, there is a good – and valid – reason.

Think for a moment of one thing you know you should do, but don’t.  Does the idea of doing it feel inspiring or enjoyable?  Or does it feel more like drudgery or a chore?  If it doesn’t elicit desire or at the minimum some enticement, than it makes complete sense why you would avoid it.  Who wants to do something they don’t enjoy or find distasteful?  In fact, to follow through on doing what you aren’t inspired to do takes enormous amounts of energy to overcome the reluctance or resistance.  Few people have enough extra energy in their busy and stressful lifestyle to do that.  And the guilt of not measuring up to the “should” they carry around on a pedestal further depletes what energy they do have. 

Our determination to do as we should is driven by our internal beliefs.  When you decide to do something because you should, you are subconsciously being driven by the rules you’ve taken on from your peers, the media, doctors and other perceived experts in your life about what is good and bad, the right way and the wrong way, and what is required to reach your goals.  These rules don’t consider what is in your best interests or if they will work for you.  They are typically generic and offered as guidelines based on someone else’s beliefs. 

So when you don’t follow through on a should, this is an opportunity to investigate where the should is coming from and if the rules can be changed or relaxed.  If the should is related to exercise, maybe you are trying to meet an unrealistic expectation or maybe you don’t enjoy that type of exercise.  With that information you can consider what is more realistic or what you would enjoy more.  If instead the should is tied to avoiding bad foods, maybe calling it a bad food makes you want even more of it or perhaps you have labeled too many foods bad which makes them hard to avoid.  Once you can look at which foods you call bad, maybe you can give yourself permission to reclassify them so you aren’t so restricted and craving what you shouldn’t have.

Steps to Dealing with Shoulds

1. Think of something you should do that you don’t.
2. What is it about doing it you struggle with?
3. In what way is that struggle valid, and what can you learn from your reaction?
4. What might work better for you that is a positive and healthy alternative or solution?
5. What would you enjoy more or be inspired to do that supports your real objective?

If you are excited or looking forward to making a particular type of healthy meal, being active in a certain way or taking time for yourself that feels good, you will find it much easier to set aside time for it.  This is particularly true if you know how important it is to your wellbeing and your ability to do everything else with greater energy.  In this case, the “should” is merely a positive reinforcement for taking time to be healthier, relaxed and fit.  It isn’t the driver that gets you to take action.  It is the feel good result.

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